How Really Truly Totally Uncool I Am These Days

My self-esteem, which as I have described in previous blogs was hard won as an adult, and then just about destroyed while I had teenagers calling me clueless and stupid, is well intact these days.

Yet I have always considered as part of my self-esteem the fact that I thought I was pretty darn cool. (No one truly cool would use those three words in combination though I am afraid)

What exactly determines cool is in the eyes of the beholder. My children may have at times thought I was okay in general coolness for a mom now that they are no longer teens. ( I was definitely not cool then, even though I had “Hey Ya” for my cell phone ringtone, and told them so repeatedly.)

They think I am funny though, so I guess I can trade a little cool for funny.

In terms of my peers, I may seem cool because I get to write and my name gets splashed in major publications. I used to get a lot of comments how cool it was to have my blog featured on the home page of the Chronicle regularly, until I pulled it from that site for my own site. Even though they thought the attention was cool, I think they were secretly thinking that I was pretty cool too.

If I am facing reality, however, I am middle-aged and not very cool at all. This is something I hate to admit, because when I accused my own parents of being uncool while I was growing up, I swore I would never be like them. I wanted to be Peter Pan and never grow up.

Now that I look back, my dad was actually pretty cool. He liked my music and we shared in that until my Led Zepplin stage.

Here’s some proof of how uncool and “un with it” I really am.

1. Four Words: What is a Kardashian? (and why are they so important?) I have never watched a single episode of the Kardashians, and I get them all mixed up. They all have K names and I could easily see one in a magazine and think it is a different K girl than the one it actually is. I don’t even get the fascination with them, or even how people can be famous for doing nothing. Can someone explain the concept to me?

2. I have never heard a single Justin Bieber song. My one opportunity was when he was on a morning show about to sing, but I had to leave, so I didn’t hear one note. I understand that concept all too well, and can relate. I had my Paul McCartney and then my Davy Jones.

3. I got a free subscription to US Magazine due to miles not being used, and I can’t understand who at least 40% of the people featured are in the realm of show biz.

4. I have never watched a single episode of Teen Mom because the whole concept gets me railing on glamorizing something that is a major societal problem. (I know too many social workers I guess.)

5. Some of my favorite TV is for old fuddy-duddies such as Dancing with the Stars and Amazing Race and PBS stuff.

6. I do not have a single TAT, nor will I ever be getting one, nor do I ever think they make a woman or man more attractive. (Stay tuned on a future blog about my tattoo phobia where you will understand where my dislike comes from) In fact, I can’t even stand to look at Sandra Bullock’s ex – whatshisname, and his new fiancée who has more tats than him.

7. I do not know how to wrap a scarf properly so it looks chic.

8. I have yet to embrace rap music as a genre that is worthy of my listening attention.

9. I gravitate towards Oldies stations on the radio. I just watched a folk music retrospective on PBS.

10. I use cool words like “bling” well after they’ve gone out of style. Oops!

11. My favorite part of the Super Bowl are the parties and food, not the commercials or football.

12. Speaking of football, I cannot STAND all that long hair flying around under football helmets of players. They remind me of girls and I always thought football was the ultimate of manly sports. PLEASE guys, I beg of you, if you want long hair, fine, but wrap it in something or wear a ponytail like girl soccer players.

13. I have not watched Jersey Shore, except one time under duress when I was trying to bond with my son. In fact, it is rare for me to turn on either VH-1 or MTV, former staples of my TV existence. I now watch You Tube, where I can see music videos or anything else I want to see on demand.

14. I still think marriage should come BEFORE baby. This is perhaps the thing that makes me most uncool and I know I have just not caught up to the way society is right now. (PLEASE NOTE that I am not judging those who disagree and do it any other way, this is just how my brain thinks)

If the above doesn’t convince you that I am one step away from the Lawrence Welk Hour, there is much much more. (“Anna one- anna two- anna tree”) But I think I have outed myself as an old nerd enough here for one day and one blog.

Would LOVE to hear your comments. Just click on comments, leave any old name and email and submit!

8 comments

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  • I agree with you…sometimes I flip thru a People Magazine at the nail salon and I wonder who are these people they are featuring. This makes me feel really OLD!!!!

  • i know from personal experience, this lady still has a really cool fashion sense. this mom knows how to dress and shop chic. i think that’s pretty cool! the hey ya ringtone, not so much- A for effort. i’ll teach you how to wrap scarves when i’m home next.

    forget about bieber, kim and khloe- they’ll be in and out of the press 😉

    funny article!

  • Well, Arlene, I must be a member of your uncool club, except maybe a rung or two above you on the cool ladder. I do know how to wrap a scarf (courtesy of my daughter) and I watch reality TV (I guess that makes me a voyeur – my dirty little secret). But I’m definitely eating dinner early (one step away from early-bird specials), believe, too, in marriage before baby (sorry, Natalie Portman), and think that rap isn’t music. Right on, tell it like it is, peace!

  • Awesome column Arlene!! I’m with you on 12 of your 14 points (I enjoy football -growing up, in-between four brothers, will do that and my radio dials are set to “talk” and country) . My daughter actually said I am cool now, said I had an un-cool period – I remember her making me get rid of “mom” jeans!

  • well, if YOU’RE not cool, what could that possibly make me?? What’s the opposite of cool? Warm? Am I warm? Maybe I’m just plain old hot??

    But the only thing I know about the Kardashians is how pretentious it is to spell Chloe with a K. Hey..maybe I’ll be cool and change the spelling of my name to Charen??

  • Well I have to admit that I am still very deluded about being cool. I think I am cool all the time except when in front of the mirror naked and I look like my dad, who I actually think was thinner than me at this point. My brain still works like the immature kid I always was but I am wise enough to act mature with that going on. I think still playing ice hockey at 57-1/2 is very cool. Last night in the locker room we were discussing age and how when we’re younger we push our age to the next year and when older we keep to the last one until the actual day of the next birthday. I was pretty honest answering 57 and a half! Could have said 57. I’ve always been a geek and I think that is cool. Yes, I may have some attributes others would think are cool but I’m certain many of my doings would not carry the same weight. I’m happy and I am satisfied with myself. And I have a superstar, cool wife who writes like no tomorrow and has her name appear everywhere. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?

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