Oral Surgery, Can’t Eat, HELLO Little Black Dress!

So amazing things come to pass when you need them most. Except they aren’t always pleasant in the amazing way. Read on to find out why.

I was lamenting in a recent blog that my size blankety-blank little black dress for my 40th High School Reunion coming up was a bit snug. I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought that size as I am at least a size up or more this past winter. However, it should be noted that I aspire to that size, and have always hovered “around” that size in my adult life. I am 5’7″ tall and a bit big-boned, so it was a wonderful size to wear as a woman who needed to stop dressing in the juniors department but did for waaaayy too long.

There is a psychological term for when anorexic people think they look fat even when their bones are protruding from their body. It is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

There is no psychological term for the opposite, which is what I have. Or maybe it is plain denial. I go around thinking if I dress in  black and slimming clothes, no one will notice my winter weight gain. I look in the mirror and see myself as just fine and not fat at all. But the scale and the tight clothing, and the size or two up that I have to keep in my closet tell the more accurate picture. And the people that I bump into when I do lose a bit of weight towards the summer: they inevitably say, “Oh, you’ve lost weight!” which is the most backhanded compliment I can think of, because they are telling you they have noticed your weight gain and your denial doesn’t quite work as well.

(SIDE NOTE: My son – a handsome man in his late 20’s said he had this discussion with girls his age and it was UNANIMOUS that they get offended if someone says they look like they lost weight. My son’s theory – skip all weight compliments! He is such a smart guy besides being handsome!)

Getting back to the size blankety-blank dress that I am determined to wear in three weeks: I do not know what possessed me to buy it in the size I did. It fit then, but I do have vast fluctuations especially coming off the winter season.

In situations where I do these stupid things, I need an inner sister girlfriend whispering in my ear.  “Girlfriend! A size BLANKETY-BLANK? Really? Who you kidding? You haven’t seen that size since your forties!” ( Ok, that last line was an exaggeration, because I can and do wear that size all summer long.)

Or maybe I need a little devil sitting on my shoulder laughing hysterically as I buy an item a size too small.  (“I love these deluded women who waste their money,” the devil laughs with glee.)

But now to get to the amazing thing: I had a gum recession issue that was worsening and bothering me because it was a bit sensitive. The dentist/surgeon pronounced that it is now time to spend thousands of dollars for pain and torture of the mouth once again – and that it shouldn’t wait. (But Dr. I have to time it for my REUNION!)

Knowing I have the most HIGH MAINTENANCE mouth thanks to genetics, I went ahead and allowed three weeks of healing time before the reunion and had it taken care of with a gum grafting surgery. It turned out to be a big more complicated than expected as the surgeon had to use more tissue from the roof of my mouth than thought. OUCH! It is now the consistency of hamburger meat up there with a ton of stitches.

Forget the fact that I may not be able to smile for any reunion photos in three weeks, because I also CAN’T EAT. I will be on liquids for the next several days and then soft food.  I don’t even WANT to eat. I sat there at my favorite deli today with my husband and son gorging themselves, and I couldn’t even slide a few noodles down my gullet in the chicken soup I ordered.

So all those chips and fattening things I love will be out of the question up to the reunion, I will lose the weight I need and voila! I will fit perfectly into my little black reunion dress.

You have to take the good with the bad, don’t you know? And don’t worry, for those following this saga, I will post my reunion photos with my shriveled body in the now infamous black dress and a lopsided smile after our reunion.

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