Paint, or Create The Life You Want and Don’t Be a Victim

It’s the New Year. It’s a new year to be all of the things you want to be, and to create the life you have always wanted.

As a writer, I dabble in words and as I was thinking of how to construct this blog, I thought about how I visualized the life I always wanted as if it was a painting – a tangible thing that I could get if I just worked hard enough at it. And so, like an artist, I painted that picture through the years, creating the life I always dreamed of – filled with happy times, loads of friends, and a wonderful family life with children who I adore, and who adore me back.

It wasn’t as if I was born into luxury and ease. I have worked since I was 10 years old (babysitting) to get what I wanted, and I also worked two and THREE jobs through college and graduate school to pay my own way. I knew I needed an education to achieve the things in life I wanted – both tangible as in items like a nice home, and the intangible, as in career success.

As I was discussing recently with someone very close to me, I don’t buy the “pity” routine for people who screw up their lives and make bad choices. I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for someone like that, even if they are a “good guy” otherwise. Just as I carefully constructed my life, some work at destroying their own lives by the choices they have made. There is free will involved, and unless someone loses someone to death, or is victimized in a crime or by a health scare, I don’t give pity. (Actually, if it is a death or illness, I  give support as much as I possibly can. Pity does not help a person at all.)

I wanted wonderful friends so I became a wonderful friend: the kind that any one of my friends can depend on for anything. (I am the most loyal, devoted, FEROCIOUS friend! It is part of my Taurus nature.)

I wanted a family life and holiday celebrations even after moving 1600 miles away from family, so I became the matriarch and held the holiday celebrations, and did the inviting and the cooking and the entertaining. I became the mommiest of mommies to my children, and I am reaping the rewards tenfold all the time for what I was to them in their years growing up. I wanted a foothold in my past on the East Coast and a home in my beloved Margate beach area, and I went after that until I got it. Those are just some examples of the way I have painted my own picture.

I thank G-d for making me smart and strong, and for giving me the tenacity to achieve the things I have; but I also give credit to ME for the hard work I put into getting the life I built and created, so I can live so happily contented today. I am not bragging, I am simply explaining how I painted the picture of my life the way I wanted it to look. It was many years in the making!

I see and hear a lot of whining and complaining about the lot in life some feel they have been given. They have received that “lot” as a victim, rather than taking charge and changing the course of their destiny. I know sick people who tackle their illness like a tiger, and I have tackled my own life even with serious challenges. (These included devastating and tragic circumstances that I had to peel myself off the ground from.) I have always moved forward, stayed vibrant, vivacious, with a love of life, and the people in my life. I am thankful for the strength and fortitude to do that.

I have no patience – one of my weak points; for people who play the victim, and who sit around wishing for a life that they are healthy enough and able enough to have, but too stuck or lazy, or otherwise unable (depressed?) to create it. I actually had to unfriend someone on Facebook who complained to others about my postings on my social life, my children etc. She was bitterly envious of my life. When I look at her life, I see a hollow shell- an existence of her own making with no social life to speak of, and very little fun. I have no time and no pity for that. I am kind, inclusive, and I reach out to people to involve them all the time. I invite people. I don’t sit around and wait to be invited.

I do understand there are exceptional circumstances; for example, mental illness that change the course of one’s life.

If the above words seem a bit harsh, I apologize. I realize there are exceptions, and I am just a Taurus the Bull practical girl, who goes after what she wants.

I have had some horrific bad luck along the way, and all of my own choices were not exactly stellar, but I directed the path and course of my life going forward after each instance of tragedy and bad luck/choices. My life has not been easy at all. I am not speaking flippantly, like someone from a gilded, silver-spoon life. Those who have known me many years know the tough life and challenges I had to tackle, and my tenacity paved the way for my current life of social and personal contentment.

And as always, if you disagree, let me hear from you.

One comment

  • Wonderful blog Arlene to start the New Year ! 2019 will be an exceptional year ! You are a genuine person , recall my question to you about doing. Real Estste Blog , You were there for me. and I in turn will share your blog !! It’s always something interesting
    Keeping it real !!
    Happy New Year – Jen Buschel

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