Toil and Trouble – Worries about Dad Double
I thought the worst was behind me but I had no clue how things would go once Dad was placed in a memory care facility where he would finally get 24/7 care. See my previous blog: What to do for Dad?
Lots of meetings with staff, and trying to solve all of Dad’s adjustment issues have been so much work and worry since his placement. I am satisfied that it is a good place, with good intentions and that Dad just has to accept his fate and transition in.
Dad kept his phone and he uses it approximately 15 times a day to call me. I am also going there as often as possible.
First issue solved was his evening protocol being followed and making sure caretakers were doing the washing and undressing, etc. I wanted to make sure he knew them by name and they knew him.
Second issue was the TV service. Gary did the following this past week to get Dad Astros games: (this could be a husband follies blog but I cannot summon up a teasing tone with all the work involved)
1. Gary discovered WI-FI was involved for the TV service. Dad did not have a smart TV with apps.
2. Gary went out and bought a smart tv, hauled it in, set it up and hauled his old tv back to us
3. Gary signed up for the MLB package($600 spent this far)
4. Gary connected Dad to our YouTube TV account
5. Gary found out MLB blacks out Astros. Only available on two other subscription services.
6. Gary returns new tv- Dad doesn’t need a smart tv for the subscription we had to order
7. Gary hauls back Dad’s old TV and sets it up, pays for new streaming service and sets it up on a Roku device
8. We suspend current service and sign up for family package for one of the two that gets Astros games.
9. Gary calls and cancels MLB package.
10. Dad unable to use dual remotes or figure them out
11. Gary has to train caregivers to help Dad with remote
12. Dad gets Astros game yesterday and today
13. Dad not happy today because other guys wanted to watch Astros in his room (word got out quick) and Dad wanted to nap after two hours of the game
The above is a true story.
The other biggest complaint is food. Dad is used to choices on a menu like a restaurant at his independent living place. He does not like not having a choice and institution-type food. Food is his whole world.
“Arlene, this place isn’t for me. The food is terrible. I want steak and salad.”
I promised and I followed through on bringing in from his favorite restaurants a few times a week if he behaved.
He has made a few friends but calls when he feels lonely or frightened or disgruntled. I am going to be his most unfavorite person soon as I make him stay there.
They are trying hard for Dad and it is a decent, clean place.
When I visited today (during my Drew’s nap while Gary stayed behind as we were Bubbie-sitting for the weekend) and brought him one of his favorite restaurant dishes, he was eating with a friend and seemed fine and happy. He said they had the Astros tuned in to watch after lunch. I left there singing Hallelujah- but then the phone calls started midway through the baseball game.
My wise friend Dina who is an RN and gone through this with her in-laws told me to block incoming calls – and just call him a few times a week. After years there- her in-laws still are not happy at theirs. (my original first choice).
I guess I have to come to acceptance that Dad may never be happy about this change. He had 95 years to eat what he wanted, and do what he wanted, but his freedom of choice is over. He may never accept that.
He is manipulating me like my toddlers do as they know I am a soft touch. (and he is like having an adult toddler but less capable).
Yet, the more Gary and I have been there with him, we have realized he is less capable than ever of any self care and needs 24/7 care more than ever.
So Dad is safe, cared for, and that is the best I can do now. We will visit him (all of my family including toddlers) regularly and hope he doesn’t suffer. We are monitoring.
Exhausted here on my end. Just mind and brain over-loaded exhausted. Hope my friends show some patience for me as I have already forgotten a few plans made. I will try to rally and become myself doing my birthday month and planned festivities. My friends call me Superwoman but I think the gift I am giving myself this year is hanging up that cape.
Oh by the way-your birthday gift to me would be perfect if you purchased my new book – available at Amazon on this link- it’s a great read and you will find it a gift to you – for only $14.99! https://www.amazon.com/Very-Best-Hot-Flashes-Blog/dp/B09TYTDKSP/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2NII05ARO9TX7&keywords=the+very+best+of+the+hot+flashes+blog&qid=1651452837&s=books&sprefix=The+Very+best+of+the+ho%2Cstripbooks%2C86&sr=1-1